OUTFIT | BAD INFLUENCE PART 2

I think of myself as a good person, my family raised me into being a polite and humble person, a good friend and listening person with good empathy. I don't know why I also think that from the outside people think that I am bad influence - subject that I explored here and is really about me being paranoid.

Reasons why I am a good person:
-I'll drop everything and jeopardize my own success if you need me.
-I'll never be mean to you and even give you a second chance if you take shitty blog pictures.
-I'll put myself in uncomfortable situations for your personal comfort.
-I never ask for recognition even when I deserve it.
-I avoid frontal confrontation (until the very fucking last drop).
-I try very hard to save the planet and the people living on it - yes, I'm Clark Kent.

These were also the reasons I struggle a lot in life.

Sweatshirt WEEKDAY / Pants Jennyfer / Shoes Adidas

Pictures: missenocha

Armelle De Oliveira

OUTFIT | EVERYTHING THAT SHINES AIN'T ALWAYS GONNA BE GOLD

"I'm on the pursuit of happiness"... Who isn't? There is not a single day I do not ask myself "are you truly happy?". The alternative to this question is "how much do you want to kill yourself today?". It is no longer a secret - I have talked about it many times on my blog - I have been struggling with depression and suicidal tendencies for more than ten years. I now deal with these illnesses way better than few years ago but still, everyday, I have this little voice in my head telling me "you're not happy, you can go anywhere, you'll never be happy, you're always going to be sad and depressed so you might as well end it now".

I attended a couple of months ago a screening of the film "Get Out" followed by a Q&A with various people from the film industry with an activist background ie everything I love. We discussed the "sunken place" represented in the film. How sometimes, something triggers us and lets us sink in our very own "sunken place". It was eye opening to me. How everyday I let myself sink in the "sunken place". Usually my own thoughts drag me down there but more often social interactions trigger me as well. I can't remember the number of times I simply blacked out during a conversation because someone innocently said something that made me feel like shit. Social interactions are the worst. People are no longer honest with each other. It is now a big mascarade where everyone just pretend they're living the best life, are happy in every single aspect of your life. Everyone is competing to be the one having the most perfect life. And I'm just standing there feeling like shit. Even though I know this is all fake and pretending, I still feel like shit. Even though I know my life is not the worst, I still feel like shit. I am very lucid on all of this and I still feel like shit. I am trapped in my "sunken place". But I ain't buying all the fairy dust that people are throwing to make there life seem more appealing than it truly is. I am pretty confident in the fact that we are all trapped in our very own "sunken places". We are all on the pursuit of happiness.

Silver Shearling Jacket Topshop / Velvet Top Vintage Pimkie / Belt Asos / Jeans Weekday / Boots André

Armelle De Oliveira

Photographs: Amélia